Ending the insanity!

As I have mentioned before, I have lost a lot of weight in my lifetime.  I started dieting when I was in the third grade. I was the youngest person at the Weight Watcher meetings by fourth grade.  I have tried the low-fat diet, the rotation diet, High Energy, counting calories, Richard Simmons Deal-A-Meal, Weight Watchers, Overeaters Anonymous which is not really a diet, UAMS weight control program, TOPS, and Jenny Craig.  With all these programs, I have seen others lose the weight and with some of them even keep it off. For me I saw myself lose and gain 100’s of pounds.  At the end of these programs what I did seem to lose and maintain was my confidence in myself.  After each program I felt worst and worst about myself. I felt like a failure, and it spilled over into other areas of my life. I felt like I could accomplish what I wanted to accomplish. Of course, I don’t blame the program. As I said above, I saw people that had great success with those programs.  I have family members that have lost weight through counting calories and Weight Watchers, and have been able to maintain. I see how hard they work at it, and no matter what you do it takes work. 

Albert Einstein said that “insanity is the act of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” For years I have done just that. Each year I started a new diet, set a new goal, and at the end of the year I had little to show for it.  The sad part of all that is that I lost a lot in the process. I lost time with family and friends. I missed events because they wouldn’t have food that was on my program.  I put off meeting people thinking oh in a little while I will be thin and then I will go out. I put off chasing my dream of being motivational speaker and life coach. I let people treat me badly and used my weight as an excuse for them.  I treated others badly and used my own weight as a rationalization to make that okay. 

In 2007 I met my husband Josh.  In so many ways he changed my life.  He was and still is always telling me how beautiful I am, how smart I am , how much fun I am to be with. I had never had that.  It did something to me.  For a while after we met, I didn’t really bother too much with weight loss. I think I just needed a break from it all.  I have had periods over the last few years when I have counted calories or watched what I eat, but I didn’t just go on this extreme eating plan. The crazy thing is that over the last 5 years I have consistently maintained or lost weight each year.  That is a big deal for me.

Meeting the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with makes you want to have as long of life as possible. Josh and I are both so ready to start a family. I don’t feel like I need to be skinny to do that, but I do realize the increased risk associated with getting pregnant at my size now, plus I want to be able to keep up with our kids, and I want to pass on healthy habits to our kids. My motivation for wanting to get healthier is a lot different now. It is totally about me, and what I want for the future. 

What I have decided for myself is that another diet is not going to work for me. I once had a therapist that told me I set all these hard rules for myself only to rebel against them.  My husband has told me the same thing, so any diet I am definitely going to rebel against.  What I have noticed from watching others lose weight and keep it off is that the majority of the time they eat healthy foods.  They like healthy foods, and they have become an ingrained part of their life. It doesn’t mean they don’t have weeks that they end up eating at McDonalds eating every night because of a chaotic life, but they are always aware of what goes into their bodies, and working to maintain a healthy balance.  That is the point I want to get to. 

Last week was a big week for me.  Starting to blog about weight was a huge accomplishment, and I appreciate everybody’s support so much. What I want for myself and for others is this, that we can all work together to reach our goals in our own way and our timeline. That we can admit we are scared, tired, confused, or just plain frustrated, and find ways to overcome together. 

In honor of that I have made five commitments to myself. 1) I will no longer put my life on hold for my weight. I am going to work starting now on pursing my dream of life coaching and motivational speaking.  2) I will stop having on and off days.  I will focus everyday on including healthier and healthier foods into my body, moving my body more, and stressing less.  I will no longer take vacations from taking care of myself.  3) I will learn more about my body through books, experts, and seminars.  4) I will continue with this blog and sharing my story and journey. 5) finally, I will be grateful today for how far my body has gotten me, the wonderful people in my life today, and the wonderful adventures that await.