Hello World, It's me Leslie!

This year like most years has been a big learning experience for me.  I have found myself questioning so much about myself and the relationships that I have.  As I get older, I find myself wanting so badly to just be myself. I don't want to hide any part of myself.  I want to be genuine.

I wonder, however, if that is really what the rest of the world wants.  Hiding my emotions was never something I was good at. If I'm sad, I cry! If I'm angry I either shut down and get quite so I can process my emotions, I cry, or I just get mad.  I stop random people to tell them that I like their outfits, I go back and apologize over the silliest things, and when a relationship that i really wanted to work out or be different doesn't work out I grieve.  That is just me.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I could remember, and with that my weight has gone up, down, and all around.  I have road rage at times, and then feel guilty for saying mean things. I  know even as I write this that some people will read it, roll their eyes and think why did she write this.  My response: This is who I am.

I spend less than 10 min on my hair every morning, I own two pairs of shoes, and I hate clothes shopping.  I love to get massages.  I cry when I watch Hallmark movies, and it hurts my feelings when people stare at me in the supermarket because of my weight. I wish desperately that people could see beyond my outside and just get to know me.

The shootings on Friday got me thinking about the world we live in. People want to blame guns, but the reality is the boy that shot his mother and then all of those kids was angry, hurting, and probably feeling very much alone. I don't know anything about his family, but I do know a lot about our society. Our society uses terms like "Be Yourself", and "Just Do It", but then we are quick to judge others, to point out others flaws and differences, and quick to walk away when someone needs a helping hand.

I wonder if each of us took some time to open up our minds and hearts to other possibilities, other ways of living, other ideas, and other perspectives how great a world we might live in.